What do you call a person with no arms and no legs…

who loosens hex screws?     ALLEN
on a tennis court?     ANNETTE
on your living room wall?     ART
— what if he also doesn’t have a tongue?     TASTELESS ART
on two wheels?     AXEL
stuck in a fence?     BARB
in your fireplace?     BERNIE
in your mailbox?     BILL
in the ocean?     BOB
in a stream?     BROOKE
in a bank?     BUCK
who is foaming at the mouth?     BUD
in a sugar vat?     CANDY
in a bag?     CARRIE
who is a prostitute?     CASH & CARRY
who has no head?     CHESTER
who is on the edge of the green?     CHIP
put through a meat grinder?     CHUCK
two men with no arms and no legs in a window?     CURT N’ ROD
in a tiger cage?     CLAUDE
hanging from a chandelier?     CRYSTAL or TIFFANY
in your kitchen sink?     DAWN
covered with oil?     DEREK
a man with no arms, legs, head or torso?     DICK
buried six feet under?     DOUG
buried three feet under?     DOUGLAS
when you push his head under water?     DUNCAN
under a bed?     DUSTY
in a bathtub?     DWAYNE
covered with glue?     ELMER
on hot asphalt?     FLIP
in a sewer?     FLO
on your barbecue?     FRANK
with a flatulence problem?     GAIL
under a microscope?     GENE
in your spice rack?     HERB or BASIL
flying over a fence?     HOMER
under a car?     JACK
in a coffee cup?     JOE
in the men’s room?     JOHN
sitting behind a news desk?     JUSTIN
in the ocean?     BOB
under a steamroller?     LANE
floating on a pond?     LILY
on a piece of paper?     MARK
on your front door step?     MATT
on a stage?     MIKE
a woman with no arms, legs, head or torso?     MUFFIE
who is shaving?     NICK
in a motorized wheelchair?     OTTO
in a frying pan?     PAM
between two slices of bread?     PATTY
holding a coat?     PEG
who feels practically worthless?     PENNY
in a flowerbed?     PETE
in a hole?     PHIL
lying beside a carnival ride?     RALPH
who is covered with sauerkraut?     REUBEN
with a history of wheelchair collisions?     REX
in a bank vault?     RICH
covered with cement?     ROCK
being stoned to death?     ROCKY
who has been struck by lightning?     ROD
on a hill?     ROLAND
in a vase?     ROSE
in a pile of leaves?     RUSSELL
on a beach?     SANDY
who is water skiing?     SKIP
who is an electrician?     SPARKY
in the end zone?     SPIKE
being cooked by cannibals?     STU
who can play 15 different musical instruments?     STUMP THE BAND
in a lingerie drawer?     TEDDY
who gets left behind in a restaurant?     TIP
on the President’s desk?     VITO
given to you by a deceased uncle?     WILL
in an arid desert?     WILT